Dear Dawn Ann . . .

I have been scanning, labeling, and organizing some old photos that I inherited from my parents. It's a very tedious process, as I am trying to be as detailed and accurate as possible -- for posterity, of course. It has been at once gratifying and heart-wrenching. I have so many questions, and so many times I have wished I could ask Mom or Dad about a person, location, or event in a photo -- especially when information seems to conflict. But I can't ask them. So I have to use my best judgment. It's difficult being the oldest living member of my family. I'm not ready for this. I didn't pay close enough attention to what was going on around me when I was young. I don't remember enough.
Anyway, during the course of my preservation efforts, I came across this photo of a little girl -- one month shy of her third birthday -- sitting on a sofa with her baby brother. The little girl is me, and I had seen this picture many times before. But this time was different. This time I saw simply an innocent little girl with soft cheeks, shiny dark hair, and big brown eyes. She could have been one of my own daughters at that age -- or one of my granddaughters. I wished I could stroke her hair, kiss her little cheek, or give her a hug. I wanted to cuddle her, comfort her, protect her. I couldn't stop looking at her eyes -- what was she thinking? She seemed to be a million miles away. She had no idea of what lay ahead of her along life's journey. I knew. I knew where she was going to falter, stumble, and fall. I knew the crooked side paths she would wander down before she found her way back to the trail. I knew the joy and the sorrow that awaited her. I wished I could go back in time and warn her of things that were coming, prepare her, advise her, comfort her. Of course, she's only 3, so she wouldn't understand or remember what I would say, so I would need to write it down in a letter to be saved until she was about 10. What would I say?
Dear Dawn Ann,
---You don't know me, but I know you. You are such a cute little girl, and your mommy and daddy tell me that you are smart, too. Someday you will be all grown-up and have little girls of your own. I know exactly what you will have to go through before that day, though, so I would like to give you some words of advice to help you through the next 20 or 30 years. Keep this letter in a safe place and read it often. It will help you avoid some mistakes and help you make the most of your experiences. Here goes. . .
*** Your mommy may not cuddle you or kiss you as much as you would like her to, and you may be a grown-up before she tells you she loves you. But that doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Your mommy grew up in a very different kind of family. She didn't have much fun as a kid, and her own mommy and daddy didn't hug and kiss her very often. It is very hard for her to express her feelings, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have them. You need to help her learn how to do this. Cuddle with her, hug her, kiss her, tell her you love her. Maybe that will make it easier for her to be affectionate with you.
*** You are going to move several times during your childhood. It will be hard to make new friends every time you move. This is why you need to be close to your family. You have a baby brother right now, but someday you will have two sisters, too. Make sure that you love all of them and have fun with them and enjoy them. Make your brother and your sisters your best friends. That way, no matter where you move, you will be able to take your friends with you.
*** Don't worry about what the other kids at school think, or do, or say. Remember that you are special, and you are important, and you are good -- all by yourself. You don't need to prove anything to them just so that they will be your friends. Be nice to everyone, but don't worry if you don't get invited to sleepovers or birthday parties. Those things are not important at all.
*** Never swing another kid around by her feet.
*** When your older cousin asks you to go into the cornfield with him, just say "no."
*** Your mommy has always spent a lot of time helping her mommy and daddy. As your grandparents get older and more sick, she will need to spend even more time with them. She will need your help even more at home. Try to make her job easier. Clean the house for her or cook dinner for her when she is gone for hours helping your grandma and grandpa. She will be very tired sometimes, and she will need your help.
*** Pay attention to your family. You will enjoy spending time alone -- to read or write poetry or listen to your records -- but don't shut yourself off from your family too much. You are an important part of your family, and they need you. Don't get angry when your parents want you to play a board game or go for a ride in the country. Enjoy your family. Talk to them. Ask them questions. Be a good big sister.
*** Never sneak out with your friends in the middle of the night.
*** Never lie to your parents.
*** Keep a journal (that's like a diary). Write down the things you did during the day, dreams you had, places you went, games you played. Someday these little things will be incredibly important to you.
*** Do not leave nurse's training to get married. Any man who asks you to give up your education for him is a loser and not good enough for you.
*** When you get to be a teenager, spend lots of time with your grandparents. They will live right down the street from you, and you will be able to visit as often as you want. They will love having you there, so take advantage of it. Ask them LOTS of questions, and write down what they say. If your grandpa doesn't want to talk about his past, keep asking him until he tells you just to shut you up. When your grandma wants you to sit down on the bed beside her and look at antique post cards people have sent her over the years, just do it. Sit there as long as she wants you to sit there. Let her talk. Let her remember. Ask her questions. Forget about the dress you want to finish sewing at home or the date you need to get ready for. Those things will always be there -- she won't.
*** When you are about 13, you will take some classes to prepare you for baptism in the church your parents have been taking you to. When the minister gets frustrated because you keep asking questions that he can't answer, don't give up. Keep asking questions. If he can't answer them, find someone who can. By this time you will have "tried out" several religions and churches. Keep looking -- the right one is out there.
*** It is not necessary to always have a boyfriend.
*** It is not necessary to eat all the food on your plate just because it is on your plate.
*** Be happy with yourself the way you are. Don't worry about always trying to be like someone else. Just be yourself -- but be your best self.
*** Well, I hope this helps you, honey. I'm sure there is more I could say, but after all, you do need to make some mistakes on your own. Just stay close to your family. They are the most important people in your life -- in the world, actually. They will always be there for you -- be there for them, too. Now go grow up -- and find the joy in life. There is so much of it out there.